TOBIN IN TAHITI
The most exotic looking girl to grace a Tobin cover since Tobin For Hire – obviously she is a stereotypical Tahitian beauty. A new publisher for Stan meant a change of cover design. The Bedside Guide would be the only book to feature a would-be "Russ Tobin" model from now on. The Futura editions all feature a lady lying across the back and front of the book – if you open the cover up you get the whole picture – meaning there is nothing but a load of grass skirt and some feet on the back cover. 7/10
"FREE LOVE IN THE SUN. Silver sand, crystal sea, whispering palm trees and the moonlight over the lagoon…TAHITI The paradise of the South Seas was all the brochures had promised. But when Russ Tobin and Buzz Malone arrived there, they discovered that there were one or two things they hadn’t mentioned. Like the lethal local aphrodisiac whose effects were said not to wear off for twenty-four hours, and the eccentric Frenchman’s all-night parties, notorious for their beautiful and demanding women. Tobin and Buzz had only one day and one night to spend in Tahiti. It was more than enough"
As is fast becoming the norm, the book opens with Russ on board a flight to a new destination. He quickly explains that he and Buzz are making a 3 day stopover in Tahiti - which is where it gets slightly confusing, as the back cover clearly says "one day and one night" and then at the end of the book as they are leaving, Russ comments that he can't believe "it's only 48 hours since we touched down". Buzz also tells Carol on the plane there that they are stopping "for a night...a day or two" - then Russ tells Maggie (when he meets her on the plane) that they are there for two days. Suffice to say that if we follow the action closely, they do in fact spend 3 days and 2 nights on the island - arriving at 10am on the 2nd January, spending their first day and evening with Maggie and Carol respectively, then sleeping most of the second day until Buzz surfaces about 4pm and announces that they are being picked up at 9pm and taken to the D'Urville party. Once at the party, Russ slopes off for a couple of hours of fun on a boat with the mysterious Angelique (who he later discovers to be the host's wife!) and then returns to shore and bumps into Buzz, where together they discover the extent of the debauchery going on at the party. Russ then falls hard for Leoni, and regretfully tells her that he's leaving for Australia the following afternoon. He spends the rest of the night with her before they part and he sets off at 10:30am to try and track down Buzz for their 2pm flight. Obviously they cut it so fine that they have to borrow a car, which is what ultimately leads to them extending their stay for several more days as they await the next flight to Sydney. Quite what this meant for Buzz's tennis tournament is not mentioned (as he claimed in Tobin For Hire that it was starting on January 2nd) but they don't eventually leave Tahiti until at least the 9th January.
Page 6 (two pages in)
Page 6 (two pages in)
Page 72 but don’t be fooled – Russ is being a gent here and waiting for the moment to be right. He could have started MUCH earlier
Would you believe it? Russ doesn’t have a single Vodka! He wakes up on the plane with a hangover, has Beer (pg 28), Cinzano (pg 37), Rum Punch (pg 53), Tea (pg 76), Champagne (pg 86) Kava Kava (that Russ is led to believe is a WICKED Polynesian love potion which he christens CUM CUM JUICE) on page 104. Oh yeah - Later on he has some regular coconut juice (pg 127). Was this deliberate? Was Stan simply trying to avoid letting the formula get too staid? We will never know!
Erm….that there really isn’t much to do in Tahiti except make love, drink, watch mucky films and extend your already rampant libido by guzzling potent herbal drugs. And also – you don’t tip the waiters in Tahiti. Oh...and always ask before you "borrow" someone’s car.
The lack of plot makes for a fairly routine three days of love, revisiting the familiar Tobin tropes of random invites to incredibly decadent parties full of available women, dangerous dalliances with married women on boats, and blue movies. 5/10